Yes, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the leading evidence-based approach to couples therapy. It is quickly becoming a favorite modality for individual and family therapies, too.
But that’s not the main reason I use it in my counseling practice.
Yes, EFT is rooted in attachment theory (which is actually more of a science than a theory now).
Although attachment theory is cool, it’s not the main reason I use EFT.
Yes, EFT increases emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. EQ, anyone?
But that’s not why I use EFT, either.
The primary reason I use EFT with my clients is it is experiential.
What does that mean, exactly?
Well, we all know the old adage “the best teacher is experience.”
Your toddler can hear you say, “Don’t touch the stove when it’s hot!” but until they touch it themselves, they won’t understand what your command means and how it protects them.
Because of their personal experience with the hot stove, they can make the wise decision in the future to not touch it when it’s hot.
Experiential therapies (read: EFT) take that tried and tested truth and put it into practice in the counseling room.
A counselor using EFT seeks to understand the good reasons for what you do–why you will never touch a hot stove again–and helps move you toward growth.
Maybe you can touch a hot stove, but only when you’re wearing protective gloves.
But you don’t just talk about wearing gloves–you actually do it.
Right then, right there.
And when you get stuck, an EFT counselor is there to help you.
When I use EFT, I don’t give my clients homework to do or worksheets to fill out. We do the homework in the counseling room, together.
The truth is, when things get hard, we stop working on them. Who has actually kept to their goals perfectly every time?
And counseling is no exception.
We need someone there, who we trust is on our team, to help us when it gets hard.
Over time, as we have this same experience over and over again, we might try to do the hard thing with someone else, like our friend, our spouse, or our parents.
That is what EFT teaches us to do: it gives us the experience we need to be successful in our relationships in the real world.
Experience is the change agent in EFT.
It inspires change within individuals, couples, and families.
I know how my experiences have shaped who I am today.
It is experience that helps me learn how to be the best friend, sister, wife, daughter, neighbor, community member–person–I can be, and it is experience that helps me grow into the best person I can be.
I’ve witnessed change in my clients and in my own life from living the principles of EFT.
If you are ready for change in your life, book a counseling session with me today.
Read more about my approach to therapy here.
Learn more about how EFT works and the evidence behind it here.
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