If you have ever been to counseling, you know it requires a lot from you as the client. You search for a counselor, make the appointment, drive to the office, pay the fee, fill out the paperwork, answer the questions, and allow yourself to be uncomfortable for the sake of personal growth.
Before you ever sit down with a therapist, you’ve already expended a lot of energy to get there. So, how do you know your energy was worth it? How do you know the counselor you’re seeing is right for you? Read on to discover three characteristics to look for in your counselor-seeking experience.
1. You believe they genuinely like you.
This may seem obvious, but in my experience (both as a client and a counselor), counseling sessions go much more smoothly when a basic human-to-human connection exists between the client and counselor.
Imagine trying to talk about something very difficult in your life with someone you feel doesn’t like you as a person. If it were me, I would never even bring up the topic! My guard would be all the way up. It’s okay to let your counselor earn your trust before you broach deeper subjects.
However, it’s also important to remember that first impressions aren’t everything. Therapists, like anyone else, might have an off day, or the initial discomfort of sharing personal information can make it hard to gauge the connection right away. Before deciding to find someone else, consider giving your therapist a second chance, especially if they demonstrate a willingness to understand you and address any concerns.
We’ve known for over 20 years that the relationship between a client and therapist accounts for 30% of success in therapy while therapy techniques and interventions account for only 15% (Lambert & Barley, 2001). Your relationship with your therapist is essential! If, after a few sessions, you still feel like the connection isn’t there or that your therapist doesn’t seem to genuinely like you, it may be time to move on.
2. You are confident in their plan to help you.
It’s nice to have a clear start and end date for anything, but that’s not always the case with therapy. Many issues addressed in therapy are revealed over time, which means your therapy sessions may be extended to better serve you. However, your therapist should still have a clear preliminary plan to help you with your symptoms.
If you don’t feel like you’re getting better or if you feel like you’re in limbo, drifting from session to session, it’s time to get specific with your counselor. Ask them where you are in the therapy process and how they’ll know when your treatment is complete.
3. They are systemically-minded.
The foundational assumption of a systemically-minded therapist is that all problems exist within the context of relationships. Systemic therapists will challenge you with introspection and help you understand your impact on others. No one person is to blame for the vast majority of your or your family’s issues.
In a blog post by counselor Rosjke Hasseldine (2023), she highlights an alarming observation from her studies: in distressed mother-daughter relationships, the daughter was typically engaged in individual therapy when she decided to cut off contact with her mother.
While there is no experimental data showing a negative correlation between women in therapy and their relationships with their mothers, this point from Hasseldine, the founder of the Mother-Daughter Attachment Model, is worth noting.
I believe a very small percentage of systemically-minded therapists would encourage cutting off contact with family members, which is why I have a bias toward seeking a systemically-minded therapist. It’s difficult work to accept responsibility for your life, but that’s where incredible gains are made.
To learn how to find a systemically-minded therapist, stay tuned for my future blog post on understanding a counselor’s credentials.
Notice I did not say anything about a counselor’s specialties. Unless it is important to you that the counselor you choose has training in a specific area, most counselors help clients with a range of issues. In fact, it is a counselor’s ethical responsibility to provide you with referrals to other counselors if they believe they do not have the adequate skills to help you.
Good luck on your therapy journey! If you would like to make an appointment with me, email mthopecounseling@gmail.com and mention my name (Cassidy Robinson).
References
Hasseldine, R. (2023, July 18). Part 1: Why are so many mothers and daughters estranged today? Medium. https://rosjkehasseldine.medium.com/part-1-why-are-so-many-mothers-and-daughters-estranged-today-11603245c329
Lambert, M. J., & Barley, D. E. (2001). Research summary on the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 38(4), 357-361. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-3204.38.4.357
Comments